MY INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL TO REPROGRAMMING AND RECOVER FROM A HOT MESS OF A BROKEN SELF

I recently found out that my partner of a year and a half had been living pretty much a double life. Thanks to friends, Facebook and having a Techy father (may his soul rest in peace) I managed to figure out he had been shacking up with another woman, living a life with her completely the opposite of ours for the past year. Time for the reprogramming.

WHAT YOU NEED:

• Sharon Tait Meditation

• A friend “A” who tells you to get on with it

• A friend “B” who tells you they didn’t deserve you

• Bach Original Flower Remedies: Sweet Chestnut

• A sachet of – Coffee from Valentus

• Forget and Let go Meditation You tube

• The Other woman

• A family member who has been through similar maybe worse

• Mirtazipine

• Pure Gym

• Paul McKenna Meditation

• Positive Thoughts / Planning

• Margaret Solis – Clairvoyant and Psychic

SO WHERE DO I START?

Back in January 2017 I discovered “a” woman (not the one mentioned above) by chance who told me that she had had a fling with him during the summer 2016. I went ape on him, then did the obligatory meltdown and removed myself from society commonly known as FACEBOOK, but he soon lured me back in insisting “a” woman was lying. We got back together.

THE DEETS

I don’t want to get into the gory, need a bowl of popcorn, sitting on the edge of your seats details in this particular post. But let’s just say it would make for an amazing and probably award-winning TV series on Netflix. Who knew a man whose motto is “Keeping People Safe”, possessing characteristics of being deceptive, twisted, and a pathological liar, having multiple exclusive #relationships/lives; could actually be a real human being living in Bonnie Scotland and NOT a hunky actor from Sunny Hollywood. It is by far the most out-there choreographed plan I have ever witnessed and I can tell you this, I would NEVER wish this on my worst enemy.

SIGH!…

But I digress. So I found out about a month ago that my partner had been with at least one other woman steadily; plans to move in, just booked a holiday, and much more. There could be more ladies out there; I found hair strands in my bed one day, not the same colour as the one mentioned. After having to go through the pain in early 2017, my heart was just exhausted and I couldn’t cope with being caught up in the love hurting hot mess once again.

I FULLY TRUSTED HIM AND THE LAST APPROXIMATELY 547 DAYS HAD REVOLVED AROUND A COLOURFUL, MEANINGFUL AND FUN “LIFE” THAT WAS NEVER REAL. NOT ONE THING THAT HE EVER SAID WAS THE TRUTH. SUCH A CONFUSING TIME, IT IS AMAZING HOW THE MIND CAN BE PROGRAMMED TO BELIEVE. IT WAS TIME TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL.

I live on my own in #Scotland with my closest relatives living in the United States. The blow of the news had been really hard. I have tried to not to let this second wind of heartache steer me off track of my family and my business building responsibilities.

My goal was to come up with ways to get over this quickly and swiftly. Age 30 – 38, I battled with severe #depression and loss of self esteem due to living with an unknown chronic illness.

I couldn’t let this saga, bring me to that breaking point again, not here not on my own. Ain’t got time for that! Those who know me, know that I have lived my life like a cat. I am probably on my 8th life at the age of 40, so I had to retrain my brain to get myself back on track as soon possible. All that said and you up to speed, I now share with you my instructional memo to the almost 30 day reprogramming process to one of the most disappointing periods of my life to date.

LET THE REPROGRAMMING BEGIN

The first thing I did was grab my Mirtazipine. Mirtazapine is an #antidepressant and my doctor prescribed it to help me sleep. My insomnia was crazy in effect. Waking up at 3am in tears was becoming the new black. Like clock work, I’d wake up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down my cheeks, subconsciously thinking about this person that I loved so much. Didn’t really do too much good. I did up the dose but still found myself waking up and the problem still there. I do not suggest self diagnosis, always consult your doctor!

Next on the list on the road to mental overhaul and scriptwriting was the “Sis”. The one who has been there and has the T’shirt. I love her to bits. She spent so much time making sure I kept positive. “The Universe is doing it’s job!” was pretty much the chant over this quality time of healing.The use of shoulders of friend A and friend B. The one who will tell you like it is. aka Friend A “You are not the only person this has ever happened to, bitch get up and get on with it!” When you end up swallowing your pride you then find friend B whose offering of that virtual bear hug and words of sympathy for you, including the insult of the “creep” in question brings the perfect balance to get through the week!

Still feeling like I had the guy in my head constantly and I did some research and read about hypnotherapy. According to the Daily Mail, people like Cheryl Cole and Camellia Dallerup used this form of healing to get over cheats and break ups. Why couldn’t Yemi King give this a go? I found Sharon Tait, based in Glasgow. I wasn’t sure what to expect. What I REALLY wanted was for her to take the whole year and a half out of my head. But after the first session, I learned that this type of therapy is about talking to your subconscious and reprogramming it to be more positive to yourself. It’s recommended to have at least 3 sessions to feel the difference.

Be happy from the inside out! “Be the 2.0 version of yourself!”

Sharon as she was so “Scottish” in nature, I loved it. To the point, straight talk, no mincing of words kinda woman. The time before the actual session was great to be able to offload and she had an amazing welcoming of this, despite the fact it was an hour session.

She was very patient with me and very supportive, maintaining a professional manner. Though you can do #hypnosis from You Tube videos, I will mention this in more detail later, a face-to-face session is very rewarding. And if you are anything like me and never do anything for yourself, making the effort to actually go and take the time out of the day to do something for you is a great way to heal.

The GYM. There is nothing like turning up to the gym and working on your pecs imaging his head between the machine. It’s amazing how many you can do in that frame of mind. Or picturing the leg extension is strategically placed in front of his groin so you can kick as hard as you can imagining him doubling over. It took me a couple of weeks to get back there, but my Pure gym added to the healthy release of endorphins to stamp out the frustration and form a new way my mind can reset from this icky situation.

More, more more..BOOM…into week 2 of getting over sadness, I discovered some homeopathic remedies. I visited Holland & Barrett on a mission to find the heartbreak pill. At first we had a language and accent barrier when I asked the member of staff for something for “bad news” and was handed something for rheumatoid arthritis. After googling his suggestion I went back and explained that I wasn’t trying to fix my joints, I was feeling down and out, you know, bad news; anxiety depression. He answered back with his beautiful Scottish accent, “Oh! I thought you said Bad Knees! -lol. That in itself brought a chuckle to my gloomy mood.

So now that we have cleared the fact that we were looking to mend a broken heart; I found Bach Original Flower Remedies – Sweet Chestnut – Keyword – The light at the end of the tunnel | Bach Group – Despair & Despondency. I squirted a few drops in my coffee and drinks 4 times a day and I believe it has made somewhat of a difference in combination with everything else. It was also a week of a new type of coffee as a friend also sent over a “special” one containing “dopamine and serotonin “. This coffee from Valentus, SlimRoast was good and I look back at that day and think I was feeling motivated.

I believe all of these positive items were helping me suppress the humiliation I felt from the man of my dreams. Though he has left me in this nightmare. Weirdly enough, connecting with the “other” woman was strangely soothing, at first. Thankfully, she was a nice lady. I felt quite drawn to her almost like WE were a couple. I joked that I normally go for brunettes. Anyway, I felt a comforting closeness to her. She became kind of like a routine and I looked forward to hearing from her. We spent the week and a half comparing texts, trying to make sense of his skilfully written #psychological deception mini series. In hindsight, it almost made me feel a bit better as he let me down occasionally on important “Yemi needs”, so my expectation were not as high as hers.

As I said earlier, they were planning on moving in together! F*_K! That’s gotta hurt.

Also, because my life with him was completely different to hers, we both found some comfort that neither was “better” than the other. Literally like night and day, we had two completely different, happy relationships with him neither of us knowing anything different. He was a 24/7 contact person whether it be in person, via text and phone calls.

It was only after we compared notes that we noticed the signs but had not connected dots during the year.Some people deemed my uniting fronts with her as unhealthy. Yes, I did have a good cry a couple of times after speaking to her. It hurt a lot to hear how he was with her and what they planned. Not that he didn’t treat me good; he helped me with things, financially, physically, mentally and I felt on top of the world in his presence.

We always had fun when we were together and he helped me come out of my shell from the days of withdrawing from society during those tough 8 years. He, ironically, actually did help me with my self-esteem. It was just realising that I wasn’t “special”, only part of an act in his “sadistic” world. So after a chat session with her I’d have to release some tears of shock and sadness. The thing is, I think that if I didn’t connect with her, I would be “chasing” him for answers.

He made it pretty clear after calling me a liar to her and disappearing off the face of “my” earth, he was not going to come back and apologise or explain. Having the opportunity to share with her made it so much easier to cut him out of the communication link, or to remove myself from the story. I didn’t want to speak to him or see him. I feel very lucky in a way for the how it turned out. Talking and sharing an unbelievable experience with someone in the exact same boat did make me feel like at least I am NOT crazy.

As I said earlier, I discovered more and more about the subconscious after seeing on a friend’s Facebook page, her links to You Tube meditations/hypnosis. I fell upon: Sleep Hypnosis for Letting Go of Past Relationships. This type of hypnosis put me to sleep. I had some strange dreams and woke up completely drenched in cold sweat. Wasn’t for me. I later found Paul Mckenna’s -Change your life in 7 Days. By day 4 of 7, I didn’t need it to get out of bed. I will still continue to use this though as it is not one that puts you to sleep. It makes me feel completely energised after.

Am I healed? Not fully, but much better than day one. Do I care about what he has done? Though it still hurts, not as much as I did before. Am I able to push more positive thoughts forward to squash the memories? YES!

And those positive thoughts were based on my family / work / me time and finding a healthy balance. Having this wake up call made me realise I spent a lot of time worrying about things that I didn’t really have to. This “break” has done me good. The last year and a half had been about stressing for a life that wasn’t actually real. I started a new plan, a new script, a new program!I didn’t want to go too far ahead with planning.

Step 1: Let’s get through the day

Step 2: Let’s get through the week

Step 3: Let’s get through the month

Without looking back at what I did leading up to this.

Go creative. Be yourself again! For the first time in my life I stopped worrying about crap! I also had episodes of talking to “yourself”. I am great! I Feel Fantastic! He didn’t deserve me! Look at my bum after 3 days of 100 squats with 60lb weights!

Now the Wild Card!

If you can get a psychic reading in the midst of any downtime-rebuilding period that is the wonderfully sweet tasty icing on the cake! I won the reading in a raffle a couple of months ago, ironically I booked the appointment for the date JUNE 8th, which was 4 weeks after the break up. And hearing her refer to something happening 4 (weeks,months,years) ago, she had me hooked. I smiled feeling reassurance. Her chimes chimed! I was definitely in the right place!

The stories I heard about #psychics in the past were either, a person who is literally sitting on a cloud, eyes rolled back or closed, spewing out information; or a hard faced person scowling at the fact that they are higher than mighty. So, I arrived there trying to be open. I had never had a reading before, so I honestly didn’t know what to expect.I was so relieved when behind the door was her warm and calming face giving me such a caring smile. Like we had been long term friends and not seen each other for a while. I took a deep breath of pure relief.

How lucky am I?! Margaret Solis is an amazing psychic and clairvoyant in Glasgow. I sat with her for about an hour or so I think, I am not entirely sure as I was lost in her patience and her complete interest in me. I felt so special! My time with her and her reading confirmed some things from the past, (wow) things from the now, (wow) and also…confirmed things I had started to “plant” before the day of the reading for the future. (wow)

Seeing Margaret was an amazing boost to the confidence in myself that I WAS moving forward. I even contemplated publishing this piece, prior to meeting her. Move on Yemi, no need to bring it all up again. But after one of my “to do” list items was spoken about-publishing, I decided, YES, go with it!

SO HOW DO I CONCLUDE THIS PIECE?

Being a person who is of a sensitive nature and has the first instinct to allow life to bring me down. This (de/re)program I attempted encouraged me to STOP blaming others and wondering why? Falling into the black, lonely, dark hole of depression was not allowed on the memo. Instead, heal myself, by using MYSELF and fix the now! Discovering all of the self -help, alternative remedies and mental health techniques aided me to keep the tears to a minimum and my head above water.

If you ever find yourself in a shit situation, You are the only one who can make yourself believe! Remember what I said at the start? It IS amazing how the mind can be programmed to believe. I have changed the channel. You can re-write your story! OH! Throw in a night or two of prosecco with pomegranate seeds and Spotify as it would be rude not to!

Ps. I have slept through the night for the first time in 4 weeks with no sleeping pill ;)x