How do I Love me? Let me count the ways...
- Yemi King
- Jul 6, 2018
- 5 min read
I must, I must, I must…. not increase my bust as the old saying goes. These are words that repeat in one's head when the world seems like it is on your shoulders and nothing seems to be going right.
Work, every penny earned is every penny immediately spent. This can become draining, whether you are single or with or without children or part of a family, the constant cash flow that you can never seem to grasp onto. You always seem to feel unhealthy, drained and tired. There are not enough hours in the day to fulfil the wants in your head. Which leads you to doing nothing at all.
We have all been here at some point in our lives.
As a sufferer of depression and anxiety issues and dealing with 10 years of on and off symptoms from a chronic illness, I know that I lost my self love and found that my life seemed to be working against me. I was attracting the wrong people in my life. Frustrated with outcomes more easily than normal. JUST DAMN TIRED.
I recently have been through the mill and back. Failed attempts at meeting Mr Right. My career taking a nose dive and not earning as much as I would need to provide for my kids, having to move back in with the ex and symptoms of my health coming back to haunt me again.
I looked into ways to get better, to be more positive, to enjoy my life and enjoy me and my own company. With all of the negativity around me I realised a lot of these things are happening to me because I don’t value myself, I haven't been loving myself. I have been more concerned about everything else and taking myself for granted. These things and hitting rock bottom mentally lead me to write this piece. I am no expert but I have gone through things like Post Natal Depression, PTS, Chronic Illness and I have been working on ways to help me cope with life.
I stress to those who read this, this is based on my life and my findings and is no way gospel or scientifically proven. What you read is my opinion that I wanted to share with you!
"Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts." - Psychology Today
What is self love and compassion?
So, what does loving yourself entail. When you have a friend in need, a family member who feels down, do you feel that you need to do something to help this person? Do you take time out to make them smile, to make them feel important? Well, take those actions and put them on yourself. This is the way I have come to understand the term, at least. If you can do it for someone else then why not for yourself?
Why is this so important in life?
Being able to love yourself and be kind to yourself is important to YOU! In this day and age with social media forcing us to judge ourselves and our lives it is important to remember that you cannot judge a book by its cover. If we took time out to concentrate on our happiness rather than sigh over pics of holidays in Ibiza or brand new cars on your timeline. I add, that are posted by people who you actually really don't know! We can start to see our value and our worth. We can see through all of these public display of “triumphs” that we ARE just as lucky and can be just as happy.
What things cause you to forget about yourself?
Things like perfectionism and self doubt and just not feeling good enough are ways you can forget about yourself. Are you being selfish because you want to spoil yourself? Of course not, are you leaving that activity feeling refreshed and in a positive zone, Yes indeed. So why not do this more often?
How does not having self love make you feel? What can it cause?
As I stated above, with my current situation, I have found myself in tears from failures. Regretting why I do what I do, and the choices I made in life. In other words, I judge myself and put myself down. In doing this, I have been allowing toxicity into my life. Attracting the wrong men, why? because they pay attention to me for 1 reason(sex mainly unfortunately). Feeling ill all of the time, why? Unnecessary stress and worry of trying to please everyone else around me. On edge, and full of anxiety, why? Because I overthink and not have time to be at peace with myself.
What ways can you achieve self love?
Now when I write this, I put my hand up and say I am no expert. These are just my thoughts and I have spent time looking into ways to make myself feel better. I have discovered that doing things for myself and “treating” myself in the way I would a relative, a friend, or even a stranger on the street, can help me realise my self worth.
Since these findings I have come to realise; It is not being selfish at all to love me and do things for me to bring calmness, happiness and joy to my life. There is nothing wrong with being a little bit selfish and being kind to yourself. One phrase I have in my head is “there is only room for one in a coffin. It is down to you to take charge of your wellbeing and work on changing your environment to make you a happier person.
Therapists have known for a long time that being kind to ourselves isn’t—as is too often believed—a selfish luxury, but the exercise of a gift that makes us happier. - https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/642/how-self-compassion-makes-us-stronger-happier-and-more
So! as this is a lifestyle blog, I have found some ways to help give yourself little treats and boosts to bring a smile to your face, to inject a bit of happiness into your day and help value yourself and your life!
Over the next few weeks follow my journey working on self love and the little discoveries I've made taking time out to value and give love back to "Yemi"!
Please feel free to subscribe to part 2 here.
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