Entering The New World Of Dating

I am back in England as a singleton and it hasn't been that easy really. But not because of the lack of men, but because I just haven't been able to relax and have a good time. But back in February, I think I had one of the most fun dates I have had being a generation X / Y and now considered part of the “ageless generation” or whatever label it is now. Sometimes just letting go, thinking out of the box and going with the flow has some great rewards!

So I have been on a site lately conversing with members who are, I guess you can say definitely not vanilla. It has been a great learning curve so far, but I hadn't had much luck with my confidence and meeting up with the opposite sex, until now.

On the agenda, meal, strip club and meet up with more members.

Yes, I said strip club.

I was going through one of my, let’s do something really different modes and chose a strip club as where I would like to go as part of the date. His reply to me, “Where on earth will there be a strip club open during the day?”… Heehee, leave it to me, darling, I want this experience I will find one, no problem.

So I got on a train and funnily enough, I bumped into another “friend” of the opposite sex and we had the train ride in together. I explained my motives for the day and he shook his head. “I shouldn't even be surprised” he muttered and laughed. Ah well, today was a day that I was actually feeling good and confident.

First stop, I was actually a bit nervous, what if he didn't turn up? How would it make me feel again? My phone died, and I thought oh crap this is not going well, but through the heavy snow pouring outside, I watched this tall handsome dark-haired man enter into the restaurant from where I was sitting. It was like out of one of those TV shows. Time stopped and he slowly walked through the door, my jaw dropped, oh wow he is FIT. I gained composure and popped up from the table, which was not too far from the entrance, to give him a recognition wave.

I was nervous because I wasn't sure what he would think of me. We had been chatting for a while via a texting app, but we know that it’s easier to build up a fantasy in our heads online and though he didn't look exactly how I imagined, I wondered if with the sexy build up to our meet, if I would live up to what he imagined as well.

We had a welcome European style kiss and hug, it had felt like we had known each other for a while so that wasn't too awkward. Our conversation started off with the politics of America, (snore) he was too cute to stop him from going on about things I had no clue about. My life consists of sorting out photography, eating food, and watching kids programmes. We shared a few laughs, but all I could think about was whether I would be able to make it through the date without wanting to get carried away by his sexiness.

Our date began at Jinjuu in Soho, a trendy modern Korean Restaurant owned by American born celebrity chef, JUDY JOO. I had seen this place through social media posts and thought it seemed like an easy place to have a somewhat blind date. My comfort zones are places where I could review or places I can take photographs, by this I mean that if the conversation and company were lacking, I could rattle on about why I chose the establishment.

After he worked out that American politics was not really on the top of my list of interests we ruffled through the menu and made our choices.

My diet has been slightly adjusted to exclude chicken and eggs. Not because of being a vegetarian or a vegan, it is just lately I have noticed after eating these two items I feel unwell.

So I chose:

BULGOGI BEEF TACO

Bulgogi beef fillet, avocado, gem lettuce, red onion, kimchi, sour cream & topped with coriander.

TUNA TACO

Sustainable Atlantic tuna, served raw, Korean miso mustard vinaigrette, chopped gem lettuce, fresh jalapeno & yuja mayo.

BIBIMBAP

Served in a traditional stone bowl, filled with white rice & seasonal vegetables. Gochujang sauce on the side. Topped with a fried egg. With Kimchi (homemade spicy cabbage)

We enjoyed green tea and I opted for my favourite, prosecco!

The mini plates of tacos were cute and presented beautifully. I loved the flavours that seeped through the little morsels. They were tart and tangy but also had a wonderful meaty finish. The taco shells were light and not too filling and was a great little starter/main to go on the first date. Not too messy and perfectly sized so you didn't end up with food all over your face.

His dish was served in a unique bowl that was continuing to cook the food as it arrived. Our server suggested to him to mix everything up so that the bowl could continue to cook all of the ingredients from top to bottom. It was intriguing to watch and he definitely enjoyed his bowl full of fresh ingredients.

The moment came to get the bill. So being as this is millennial dating, who pays? The easy answer is just to say, should we go halves. Avoid looking like a gold digger, avoid looking cheap or look like an independent woman who really wants him to offer out of being old fashioned, but on this occasion, I just thought it was easier to skip the awkwardness and just go halves.

We left the wonderful establishment out into the horrible snowy weather and headed over to our next destination, the strip club. I was in my zone by then. I felt like I was 10 years younger. My date was in his early thirties so it felt quite comfortable. I kind of think that he may have been thinking, WTF this girl is not really wanting to go and watch naked women for real now is she?

Of course I am, I am on a roll and I want to push the boundaries. So after a quick download on google maps we found a ladies dancing establishment that was a short walk from our present spot.

Of course I am, I am on a roll and I want to push the boundaries. So after a quick download on google maps, we found a ladies dancing establishment that was a short walk from our present spot.

He was a lot of fun to walk with through the London streets. We take these things for granted when being in long-term relationships, but a simple holding of hands is a really nice connection to have with someone. If not for the sexual attraction, just the feeling that they are happy to be seen with you. A little form of protection and just a lovely innocent term of endearment. I was beaming from ear to ear.

We arrived at the club, after a quick security check, we walked in and did our bag check and headed to the bar. Lots of wonderful women were chilling out on the sidelines. I didn't realise they were the actual dancers until later on. I just thought wow, I am not the only woman who likes a cheeky day out to the strip club. How clueless am I? 🙈

Image source: Platinum Lace

So he bought our drinks and we had a seat near the stage. It was like tumbleweed within the club. When I saw some older men with a few women I then worked out that those women were actually waiting for private dances. My date had already warned me that he would have to hold an online meeting, and with time being so quick, it had to happen there and then. Because of the background music, it was better for him to leave the venue and then return when he was finished.

Haha, now that meant I had to choose, leave with him? or stay on my own? I felt I had the cajones to stay, and just hoped he wouldn't think I was completely of my rocker and abandon me. He dashed off with his laptop bag and I sat in the lovely cushioned chair literally taking in the scenery. In my younger younger age, the strip club was a place I was very fond of attending. Wow, how things have changed or was it just an America vs England difference.

I had a girl approach me, again, I had tourist pasted on my forehead. She was full of praise to me, how beautiful I was, why was I there on my own, I thought she had a general interest in my wellbeing. hahaha…. yeah it took the third lady who approached me and sat down with her legs almost astride my crossed leg to know that this was the procedure to gain a private dance. After I explained that my date was at work but will be here shortly we actually began to have a very intellectual conversation. We spoke about health and diet. She was studying business, but her heart was into medicine. We had a great connection and she was super stunning.

While we were talking in depth about ginger teas and eating healthy fruits for brekkie, I realised that I was the only non-working female in the club. BUT, the men there were quite respectful. A lovely brunette with an amazing figure was taking to the pole just beside me and my future GP was rubbing my legs, I would say yet another way of showing endearment. I really liked it. I was sucked in. I had to excuse myself to the toilets and when I returned she was still sitting and waiting for me. I didn't quite understand this, but you know I thought what the hell, just go with the flow. I had no work to do, I am on my own in a place that is made for men and I had some history with the profession. I felt kind of like I was running things. I wasn't really dressed sexy, I was wearing my ex’s big jumper and my famous Scottish scarf, but didn't phase me one bit. I did feel empowered and sexy being in the establishment.

My date returned, I admit I was not sure if he would, so when I saw him I was relieved. We did have our last stop on our date to attend, but I had convinced him to stay and let us go ahead with this fantasy I had of watching a girl together and seeing how it would make us feel. Remember I met him on a site that this would seem timid.

My “carer” was relieved as well I am sure. She had just sat and worked me for at least 40 mins. If we left without asking for a private dance I think she would have chucked a heel at my head on the way out. Hahaha, but not being funny, things seem to have changed over 20 yrs. Our private dance, costing £20, would be what she would get for 3 to 5 mins. So it would have been pretty messed up of me to not follow through and book her for one. But she went ahead and grabbed another girl, Ah well, my date got one for him too I guess.

So our private dance commenced, and yeah, it was a different way to spend a first date and we both were like deer in headlights, but it was quite thrilling to be in this dark place doing something quite naughty while the rest of our colleagues and friends were working away at the jobs.

What does my date think of me now?… How do I feel about him? I feel my confidence reaching a nice peak, so this was definitely a good thing I was doing for myself and my wellbeing.

Next stop Liverpool Street. My date seemed to be one of those punctual types. Not really a bad thing, but I guess as we had already shelled out close to £60 in an hour, leaving the strip club would probably be a financial saviour on our wallets.

Our journey to the next destination was fun. Being around a male after so long was fulfilling. His scent, his body, his mannerisms. He was one of the first younger men I have been attracted to in a long time. I had been on dates with under 30s from the summer, but I won’t lie, I still felt either like a mom or like I had way too much experience for them. But this guy, well he was so smart, very easy to talk to and looked hot as….

I didn't forget his age, but he really seemed more of a gentleman than some of the men I have dated in the past who were all at least 5 years - 10 years older than me.

We turned up to meet other folks within our “dating club” and it was brilliant. He wasn't drinking but he still bought me a few drinks. There was a great mix of people and it had been a very long time since I have been in a situation where I was on a date within a group of friends. I felt closer to him. Could tonight be the night? Could I let go of my inhibitions? Do I want to take this date to a more private location? Well as we were absentmindedly stroking one another’s legs, I figured yes, I need to go through with this.

I have made it out of my room, I am not feeling sad, I have had an amazing meal, I have been with a gentleman, and in a group atmosphere, and he is still showing interest. I would kick myself if I didn't try to see what would happen if we were on our own.

As the thought finished going through my mind, he mentioned to me he had to go as he had an early morning.

F*&!, Yemi decide now. Should I stay or should I go?

Something opened my mouth and I suggested I wanted to come back with him. The look on his face was a bit shocked. He was aware that I had a bit go a hang up with men, and I also have some health issues that kind of make things hard to function sexually, but as a gentleman, he asked again. "Are you sure?" I was indeed. I was feeling good and this was one of those dates you want to tell your grandkids about when you reminisce about how good life was back in the day. Yeah, I am Sure!

We said our goodbyes and headed back to his place.

Photo by Charles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Photo by Charles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Photo by Roksolana Zasiadko on Unsplash

As my mother will probably be reading this I won't go into full details as to what happened, in this article at least, but letting go was the best thing I could have done at that moment in time. He was so gentle, so passionate, for the first time I thought I could get used to this.

Now, unfortunately, I live just over an hours drive from him and I had missed the last trains home, so I had to order a car service to get me back home to Surrey.

So my first “blind” app generated date was?

Well, it was fun and went exactly to plan. Well, we didn't plan for the final part of the date, but I am glad it happened. It gave me confidence in myself and my body again. I have been a bit of a hermit lately, so his company and his wanting to please me mentally and sexually was just what I needed. I have not seen him in person again since we met, but he has turned out to be quite a great friend to have to get the male point of view on topics and I think we will be friends for a long time.

What a great start to getting back into the singles pond in England.